Dating is hard enough. Trying to date as a single mother is a whole uncommon ball game. When children are part of the band, it’s hard to determine when to bound back in and how to play. For those overwhelmed — you’re not alone.

Many islanders are single parents looking for companionship or like, and trying to make it work.

For Sheila Baza, 24, the largest challenge is finding the right weigh between dating and motherhood.

“It’s not a challenge to tell people I be inflicted with a son. It’s really not that huge of a deal and there’s a lot of single moms on Guam,” Baza says.

According to statistics from the 2000 Census, women were the heads of single-mother households in about one in five families with children in Guam, which accounts for roughly 19 percent of the family population. More recent figures were not available from the Department of Labor and Statistics as of the publication of this article.

Now and again part of the conundrum is newly single parents aren’t sure how to handle their new life situations. According to matchmaking website eHarmony.com, it’s common for recently single parents to go through a “crazy phase.” There’s a newfound freedom and desire for fun, but single parents be inflicted with to be careful.

“A lot want to live like they’re just single, but still be a excellent mom to their children,” Baza says.

Single mom Tiffany Tam says you can’t act like you did before children.

“When you don’t be inflicted with children, you kind of allow physically to make mistakes. When you be inflicted with a family, that all changes,” she says.

Baza says she has to be attentive of all she does because it reflects on her 4-year-ancient son, Jayden.

“You can’t just do whatever anymore. You be inflicted with priorities as a single mother and your child is No. 1,” she says.

With that in mind, consider mission a timeout to recoup before jumping back into the dating game.

Single dad Joseph Cruz, 27, says his healing came as his relationship finished.

“Both of us knew it wasn’t going to last, and we waited for a sterile break. I did a lot of healing during that calculate,” he says.

For Baza, self-healing started with separation and divorce from her high-school sweetheart. She focused on getting her life on footstep with a new job and newfound independence.

Tam’s healing focused on rediscovering herself.

“I went out and hung out with friends and loved the liberation. I wanted a fresh start with myself to focus on my faith, spirituality and what I needed to do to be a excellent mother,” she says.

She also wanted to ensure she avoided making the same mistakes and being disappointed.

“I didn’t want to be in like again. I was content with being single and being Evan’s mom. That’s what I was ready for.”

Getting back in

Tam waited five months to test the waters with a few casual dates. She kept things brief, but finally took the plunge last year. She is now in a honest relationship with fellow divorcee and single mother Chuck McCarroll.

“It was certainly simpler that we were both single parents. There’s a shared kind of maturity and better appreciative of certain things,” Tam says.

Even if she waited a year to get into a honest relationship, McCarroll waited four years before he flush tried dating. His daughter, Alex, was eight when the divorce finalized, and it was a matter of not having any calculate. McCarroll threw himself into work and fatherhood while his daughter busied herself with school and sports. It was simple not to date, he says

“It got to a point where I wasn’t flush sure I wanted to do that again, get into a relationship,” he adds.

Looking back, he admits coming up so long may not be inflicted with been the best thought.

“Probably the mistake I made is I kind of martyred myself. I reckon for all single parents, with the initial shock of being thrust into that position and being the primary caregiver, it’s very simple for your person and life to become all about that,” McCarroll says.

“Ultimately I don’t reckon it’s the best thing for the child and certainly not for the (mother).”

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Cruz feels lucky he met someone he connected with ahead of schedule on.

“I knew what I wanted by the calculate my relationship finished. I had a friend that I knew really water supply already, and we gradually got into a relationship,” he says.

For other single parents trying to get back out there, he suggests knowing what you want before you start.

“If you don’t it just starts to get messy,” he clarifies.

Figuring out when to get back in the game is subjective to each individual, but when you’re ready — “just do it.”

“Whatever fears, apprehensions, responsibility — whatever keeps you from doing it, once you cool down and know where you’re headed and you’re over the emotional baggage you might carry forward, just do it. Take distress of physically,” McCarroll advises.

Introductions

When trying to figure out if and when your new beau should meet your children — question physically how it will benefit your children, eHarmony suggests. Making introductions too ahead of schedule or under stressful conditions could be detrimental to your child.

“You don’t want to drag your child from one relationship to another. That’s really damaging to them,” Tam says.

There are exceptions to every rule, and Baza suggests trusting your instincts. If you’re not 100 percent comfortable, your child won’t be either. Following her divorce, Baza’s first honest relationship allowable for immediate introductions.

“The day he met me he also met Jayden. I reckon it was a fantastic thought and really made things simpler,” she says.

For Cruz, even if his current relationship got honest quick, he still waited about eight months before introducing his daughter.

“I just didn’t want to expose her to it too soon. My daughter needed calculate to adjust to the split between me and her mom, and I didn’t want to confuse her,” he says.

Experts suggest coming up if you be inflicted with any doubts, but Tam advises not coming up too long.

“I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was small, but my biological father remarried when I was about 15. I had never flush met her before and that was emotionally hard,” she says.

She understands the long-term effects parental relationships be inflicted with on children, and says she won’t follow in those footsteps.

When it came calculate to introduce Tam to 15-year-ancient daughter Alex a month into the relationship, McCarroll admits he had a lot of concerns.

“Because it was just she and I for years and it was a father-daughter thing, any female coming into that picture would be threatening for her. … But Tiffany does a fantastic job with her. They get along really water supply and now they gang up on me,” he says with a laugh.

Even if it wasn’t exactly simple to build that relationship with McCarroll’s daughter, Tam knows it’s essential for the relationship to step forward.

“You can’t just reckon of your happiness. You be inflicted with to reckon of your child,” Tam says. “Be sensitive and considerate and make sure your choice is best for everyone.”