Love Letters: She needs dating site advice
Q: Dear Meredith,
I’m a 30ish graduate student living in New York, and dating is weird to me. I am newly single (after a multi-year, long-distance relationship that pretty much died in a fire) and before that relationship, I’d never really out-of-date. I’m the kind of girl who meets someone, cascade in like instantly, and decides that we are going to be in a relationship. Said relationships are usually long and intense. But I’m normal, pretty, engaging, amusing, and smart, and I be inflicted with a wide range of interests that I like to share with people.
I chose that instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I would join an online dating website and try to place myself out there. Things be inflicted with been … unsuccessful so far. I’ve been on a few dates, but no one really made me feel the sense of energy and excitement I’m looking for. (If I’m being really honest, I’ve never felt anything close to the fireworks I felt when I met my most recent ex-boyfriend. He may be a cheater, but our “meet cute” was awesome.)
My question is really quite specific: What should I write to guys whose profiles I find fascinating? I’ve messaged a couple of people before, and it just seems like on these online dating sites, it’s not the culture for women to friend men. Or I could be completely doing it incorrect, because no one has responded to me. Every guy who I’ve gone out with has been someone who messaged me first, and I just don’t seem to be attracting the kinds of people I’m interested in. Am I being too smart in my messages? Too smart in my profile? Should I comment on something in their profile? Tell them I reckon their profile picture is cute? Is it really right that I be inflicted with to dumb it down? Frankly, if that’s the case, I’d rather go it alone.
– Tongue-Tied for Once, NY
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